Sophie Oak & Jayne Rylon Are Prepped for Doomsday

Jayne : Hey, Sophie, I was hoping you would write a blog on the Apocalypse.

Sophie: Why? Is it here? I knew it was coming. Damn it. Mel was right. Sure Mel’s the crazy dude in my head, but I should have been listening to him all long. Which Apocalypse is it? Zombie? Peak Oil? The one where the poles switch and John Cusack has to save humanity with a small air craft? Gosh, I hope it’s not the last one. That one kind of sucked.

Jayne:   Chill. Wow. It’s just a little blog. It’s not really the end of the world.

Sophie:  Foolish girl, that’s what they want you to think. Have you not been watching Doomsday Preppers? Gosh, honestly if that didn’t tip it off that the end is near then the Real Housewives of New Jersey should have. Really just watch anything on E and you’ll know we’re doomed. I’ve actually prepped for an apocalyptic scenario where the Kardashians gain psychic powers and kill everyone with their vacant doe eyes.

Jayne: (backing away and wishing she’d never even started this) Just write something, okay? Uhm, I’m going to go now. And probably lock my door.

Which she should because the Apocalypse is coming and locking your doors is just the first thing to do. She should also stock up on cotton candy because according to TV, we’re all going to be dead soon. It’s everywhere. The SyFy channel has us all being eaten by gigantic sharktopusses and staked with killer Christmas trees (way to work in the holiday cheer, guys), the History Channel produces multitudinous documentaries on how and when the world will end, and there’s the E Network which really just shows us why we should all go down in a fiery pit.

It’s even seeping into scripted shows. The Walking Dead, Revolution, Falling Skies all deal with the aftermath of humanity screwing things up righteously. It’s enough to make a person wonder what it would really be like. How would things shake out at the end of times? I’ve been thinking about it and I’ve come up with a viable scenario. It involves me walking through the ruined husk of our cities and finding the last bastion of humanity locked up behind safe gates. The watchman on the tower gate looks down.

“Who goes there?”

I cling to my tattered coat. Finally I have found a home. “Sophie, sir. It’s Sophie Oak.”

“What did you do in your previous life? What skills can you bring to the colony?”

I smile brightly. “I wrote erotic fiction and was one of the world’s leading advocates for BDSM and tolerance for all forms of sexual expression, up to and including figging. Yes, sir, I was an expert when it came to writing about people who shove kitchen herbs up their backsides as an expression of love.”

“So you were a writer?” the guard asks.

“Yes,” I say proudly.

“Shoot her.”

See, the way I’ve seen on TV, they’re really looking for skilled workers, like engineers and doctors and farmers. My current occupation of erotic fiction author might not make the end days cut. So I worry and think about hanging up my laptop and trading it all in for Amish living because we all know that they have always been prepared for the end. That’s when my husband sighs and takes another drink of his fifteen year Scotch, which, he assures me, is completely necessary to make the upcoming apocalypse livable.

“Sophie,” my hubby says, “Don’t worry about it. I have a plan.”

I put down my shovel and seed sacks. “What is it?”

“I’ve watched Doomsday Preppers and I think I can find them all. I’m going to go and steal their stuff. See, it’s like the ants and the grasshopper except this grasshopper is going in armed and won’t leave until he has a metric ton of canned goods. I hope you like Spam, babe. They seem to really like Spam.”

Jayne: I totally hate to interrupt, but you were supposed to write about what you would do at the end of the world.

Sophie: Besides write a long rambling blog?

Jayne:   Yes, besides, that.

Sophie: Wow, that’s easy. I would totally take a long hot bubble bath while sipping a martini and looking at pictures of the Hemsworth brothers and imaging a ménage. That’s how I’ll go down.

Jayne:   And I would go out reading on a beach in the South Pacific.  Maybe the zombies couldn’t find me on Aitutaki!

I sigh with relief because I thought this was going to be hard. Now I can get back to my quest to become self-sufficient. Right after I finish this martini…

me-so-ts-unleashed3 (2)Sophie Oak writes erotic fiction for Siren Publishing and watches way too much television.

You can find her latest Siren Unleashed: Texas Sirens 7 at Amazon and Siren Bookstrand. Her next Nights in Bliss, Colorado book—Once Upon a Time in Bliss—will be available on February 1st. If we survive, that is…

Buy from Amazon
Buy from Bookstrand

HealingTouch72LGJayne writes dirty books of all varieties.  Her latest release is Healing Touch, sequel to Dream Machine in the Play Doctor series, and her next upcoming solo release is King Cobra, Book 1 of the Hot Rods menage series featuring cameos from all the Powertools crew members you know and love.  It will be out on April 16th.  In the meantime, Winter’s Thaw, Compass Girls 1, will release on February 19th co-written with Mari Carr.

Healing Touch is available now:

At Amazon
At B&N
At Samhain Publishing


Today’s Contest

Prize: Ebook off Jayne’s backlist AND an ebook of Sophie’s backlist.

How to Enter: Comment below on who you’d like to spend your last night with if the world really was ending.

Grand Prize Contest

Prize: $100 Gift Card

Grand prize winners will be drawn on December 22nd, 2012. To enter you can like us on facebook, follow on twitter, tweet, and comment! You can tweet and comment once a day for the duration of the contest. In order to enter click the party logo below, or enter on Facebook. Good luck!

End of the World Grand Prize Contest Entry Form

47 Responses to “Sophie Oak & Jayne Rylon Are Prepped for Doomsday”

  1. Off the top of my head I’m gonna go with Shemar Moore!

  2. itmfiddler Says:

    Captain Jack Harkness and Ianto Jones – I want to watch them make out!

  3. I would like to spend my last night with my guy.. Just me and him together remembering why we love each other.

  4. Ummmm, Hemsworth menage! Although I think I would just prefer Chris and Charlie Hunham (Sons of Anarchy) and maybe Hugh Jackman for a dark handsome man!

  5. Mary Preston Says:

    I’m going with family. Just the possibility of not seeing them again.

  6. Cherie Clark Says:

    i would be in my huge bath tub in the most expensive hotel suite i could find thinking about all of the hero s that there two authors have brought into my life. ah what a way to go . love ya both.x x yo o o o

  7. Definitely my great nephew who is 15 months old. I love that little boy to smithereens.

  8. I’m going to be with my family. I would want to spend as much time as I have with them.

  9. My family, fur sure. Fictional characters, Darius and Xavier from KOTD series.

  10. If I could convince my hubby the world was really ending, I’d like to spend it in bed with him. However, knowing my family, that so wouldn’t happen without tons of interruptions and at least one or two of them showing up at my house.

  11. My family–enjoying a good meal together and then hanging out and playing games 🙂

  12. So funny! The realistic answer is that I’d spend the last day with my family. The fantasy answer is a naughty sandwich of Alexander Skarsgard and Jeremy Renner, with a side dish of Vin Diesel.

  13. That whole post had me laughing!! 🙂 Jayne you know I love you and I have really got to read some of Sophie’s books. I’ve ward great things.

    I think I’d like to spend my last night with my Monkey (until his bedtime) and then Eric Northman can tuck me in 😉


  14. What a fun post! I would have to go with family if it was going to be my last night! However, there would most definitely still be a book in my hand! lol

  15. Jessica Hansen Says:

    Well it would have to be my family first! then I would have to go out meet up with Sam Elliott! *sigh* 😉

  16. First it would have to be my Family, My daughter,Granddaughters,My sister and my niece.
    If I knew it was really going to end, I would find me a nice guy and have sex!! ((( LOTS)))) lol ,Its been eight years. And its never been good for me. Sorry TMI!! 🙂 Merry Christmas Sophie and Jayne!

  17. (Trying a second time)~ I would want a hunky, geeky man like Mark Ruffalo or Mark Harmon because they can carry on a real conversation, have an innate arrogance, but not so much that the don’t forget what it is like to be a little on the outside and have a life lived in their eyes and are still yummy to look at….

  18. I would spend the day with my family and then I would spend my last night with Keanu Reeves or Matthew McCaughney. We would be on the beach.

  19. I have to go with my family hubby kids and grandkids are most important part of my life and if the world is going to end I want it to end with them

  20. I’m not a prepper, but I knew the end was nigh when The History Channel started showing nightly episodes about pawn shops and A&E switched from classics to shows about buying storage lockers. Really? I mean, really?

    But on to the question. Hmm…I would like a menage with a wonderful Dom I know and a male submissive.


  21. with family

  22. hahaha! Great post. I guess I would want to spend my last night with my family 🙂

  23. I don’t think I would pick just ONE man to spend my last night on Earth with. I would prefer to go down in an orgy of sexy men and me. LOL In reality I would go out holding onto the things I love the most in the whole world. My three kids. 🙂

  24. This was a great post but I think you have missed an important point Sophie. You are an amazing writer, when the guard on top of the wall asks what you did before the downfall, just pretend it is one of your books and spin a great yarn, they will let you in in no time. That is the perk of being a writer, getting them to believe whatever you want them too, lol. I think your hubby has the right idea though. Find the preppers and rob them blind while they are looking the other way. It shouldn’t be too hard, just point into the sky and yell “Aliens” then as they take defensive positions facing in that direction walk in the other with all their goodies 🙂

  25. Honestly, I’d like to spend it in front of the fire, eating Chinese takeout, and watching TV…no big production…just a quiet, cozy night at home with my loved ones 😀

  26. Briannah R Says:

    My best friend, I absolutely love him and i dont know what i would do without him. Also my family.

  27. If the world is gonna end I would like to go out with all the bells and whistles I can! I would really like for Julian’s club to be real (Sophie!!) cause a night there would be just the right amount of bells and whistles!!! If Leo and Wolf were there specifically for me that would just cap it off!! Lol 🙂

  28. End of the world plans? Let’s see… Hijack a luxury yacht and sail off to a remote island to enjoy some alone time (with some hot men who I rescue from the hoard of crazy doomsday people) and watch a lovely sunset swinging in a hammock with one of the men (or two… or three, depending on how big the hammock is)

  29. If the world was going to end I would spend the last bit of time with my son and family….

  30. There’s a logical answer and a fun answer. The logical one is with family and the fun answer is with Orlando Bloom. 🙂

  31. Susan Romito Says:

    ROFL!! Great blog post!!

    I would love to spend it with my daughter, but she is a teen and wouldn’t give me the time of day! So I’m going with the guy who plays Dr. Reed on Criminal Minds, and Damon Suede. Bet that would be a fun evening!! 🙂

  32. I’d like to spend it with a man who could fit the profile of the hero from a great book. That would be a nice adventure to end it with 🙂

  33. I had to tell my hubby about your hubby’s plan. He loved it!
    And I would most likely spending the last night with hubby and reading!

  34. Clay Matthews!!!!! I’d spend the day with my family and my night lovin on him!!!!!!
    Ashley A

  35. On one hand I want to be with family but the other hand that is evil have a three some with two hot guys

  36. I’d spend the night with my husband and my son. 😉 Like I am doing. lol

    smurfettev AT gmail DOT com

  37. I’d want to spend it with my mom but sneak in some hot romance books 🙂

  38. Lee (Alisa) Says:

    Hmmmm…well of course I’d have to have hubby and kiddos with me…..and of course some chocolate, my kindle, my favorite amaretto and a raging but gorgeous snowstorm outside and pretty holiday decor inside. Hey….I demand a pretty snowstorm if the world has to end….it may as well be pretty!!! 😉

  39. I would finally get around to that menage that Johnny Depp and Robert Downey Jr keep bugging me to have 😉

  40. Dawna Newman Says:

    I will say shhhh don’t tell DH, him of course but he is not paying attention right now so I am going to say Alexander Skarsgard and post and close out before he sees my answer :).

  41. I’d be with my family and on the phone with my family members who live elsewhere!

  42. Rhonda Wolf Says:

    I’d spend it with my hubby!

  43. i want ot find my brother and then i like the fire place here would keep your warm

  44. ilove t eh cover of the book you have and put you on the blog on the twtter

  45. Would spend the day with family and then would love to spend the night with Nathan Fillian (love me some Capt. Mal)

  46. I would spend the time with my husband and my children, no where else I would rather be.

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