Jayne’s Imaginary Adventures

Jayne is in the Cook Islands being eaten by a shark, which means she has no internet access. Being the good friend I am, I’ll tell you what it is I think she’s doing.

Day 1

Temperature: 86

Shark sizes: Medium, mid-level terror

Exotic diseases contracted: None

This morning I work up, rolled out of bed into a swimsuit, and headed out the door of my hotel and into the ocean with my snorkel equipment. After a few hours of looking at fishes I went back in and changed to scuba gear–don’t worry, my O-rings were properly lubricated. I started to swim out to the reef, when out of nowhere this guy on a jet ski showed up and almost ran me over. I picked up a stripy fish and threw it at him.

The fish smack got his attention and he zoomed over. I was ready to cut a bitch with my scuba knife, but he pulled up and asked me if I was headed to the reef. When I said yes–thinking he was diver too and might have some tips–he pulled out a satellite phone and started talking to someone in an language he didn’t recognize.

I thought to myself “rude” and started to swim off. Mr. Jet Ski followed me, and asked me if I was interested in making some money. I told him “Bitch please. I’m a New York Times best selling author.”

He then said he would make it worth my while, very worth my while. I ran a quick cost benefit analysis, and decided that this might be a way to buy my beach house in Santa Monica that Farm Boy and Lila are going to–live in–house sit.

I asked him what he needed and he said that he’d dropped something down onto the reef and he needed someone to get it, but he didn’t have any scuba gear. All he needed me to do was dive down, grab it, and bring it up.

Easy money. I followed him out to the reef.

To be continued.

2 Responses to “Jayne’s Imaginary Adventures”

  1. Hahahaha damn you’re funny! That does sound like Jayne though–not 🙂

  2. ROFL! Lila, I can’t wait to see what Jayne’s up to tomorrow… 😀

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