Dear Lila: I have a sex secret, and now my college crush knows, help!

Here’s another installment of Dear Lila.

Dear Lila,

I’m a successful career woman with a secret. I like being tied up, spanked, and forced to obey a man’s sexual desires. This is the opposite of how I act in my everyday life. I’m happy, normal, successful woman with friends and hobbies. But in relationships, I’m a disaster. If I admit what I want guys assume I’m secretly a doormat, and stop respecting me. I refuse to go through that again, so I decided to approach this from a different way, and join a group of like-minded people. The only problem is that among these like-minded people is a guy I knew in college. We never dated, but there was always something there. He’s a great guy, successful, smart, good looking, and did I mention that he was an NFL player? It sounds like the perfect situation, but the problem is that he thinks I’m into being in charge…the way he is. He’d everything I want, but I’m scared to tell him what I like. It would really hurt if he treated me the way other men had. What do I do?

-Mistaken for a Mistress

Dear Mistaken,

First of all, I want to tell you that you’re not alone in your desires. Based on the content of my bookshelves, pretty much every successful, confident woman on the planet has some sex secret. You’re perfectly normal, and it sounds like this college friend is a good match. If you want to satisfy your sexual needs you need to find a safe, structured way to do that. It sounds like you’ve already done that, and even have someone in mind, the problem being that despite the setting he doesn’t realize what you want. First impressions can be hard to overcome, but you’ll never get what you want if you don’t tell him who you really are. Be prepared for him to react to your announcement, and he’s the sexual dominant you say his is, prepare for it to be…amazing.

-Lila

Read more about Liz and Marcus in Red Ribbon

Running into an old friend isn’t a big deal, unless you’re attending a BDSM mixer. When Liz, a woman who has it all—except a sex life—sees college pal Mark in the parking lot, she brushes off her embarrassment and agrees to go out for coffee to catch up.

Mark assumes Liz is a Domme, but when she reveals her red ribbon—a ribbon identifying her as a sub—he has to have her. He makes her complete a sex checklist that lists every toy, kink, position and taboo he might do to her, on her or with her.

Though desperate for this relationship to work, Liz cannot fully accept her desires or bring herself to submit passively. She wants Mark to master her, to dominate her. Mark is delighted by the way she challenges him, and with one touch, he knows she’s his perfect sexual match.

Now they face their greatest challenge yet, that forbidden territory that lies outside the bedroom… Dating.