Reviews: Bad and Good

A while ago Jess Dee did a great post where she and Mari talked about their bad reviews.

I was in my writing cave and missed out on the fun, so I’m taking this opportunity to show off some of my own bad reviews.

I’m learned to suck up bad reviews: well all get them, and give them. Reviews that make me crazy are ones that start with “I though this was an inspirational romance, I should have read the back…” and then goes on the trash the book. This makes me want to smack the person upside the head. WHO DOESN’T READ THE BLURB? Well, people who download books for free. In order to not skew the results, I’m going to try and leave free read reviews out of it.

Proof that the same people can read a totally different story:

“The story is actually quite sweet with some wicked hot sex including while in alternate form. Fun and cheeky in a chick lit meets BDSM way.”

“And what was with the author trying to be witty…mmmm sorry none of that banter was mildly amusing!”

Bad Reviews that I LOVE:

“It’s not superior storytelling; I would have liked more character development on both sides, and the dialogue is not great. But, ultimately, I read erotica so I can get jazzed up and go jump my husband; this book definitely, erm, scored in that regard.” I want this on the cover of the print book.

“I couldn’t help but feel that Margo was pushed past the breaking point and developed a strong case of Stockholm syndrome instead of actually falling in love.” I’ll have you know I checked to make sure she didn’t develop diagnose-able symptoms.

“I hated Jane. H A T E D with a purple passion of epic proportion. Hate that had my blood boiling and was ready to toss my Nook against the wall. Then beat the wall some more. Jane is now in my top five WORST heroines of all time. Why? Wishy-washy, I want you, don’t want you, kiss me, go away, shag me, you can’t touch me, I don’t want a relationship with you…WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME! Yeah, shrill, annoying, die Jane, die.” For the record, this character is not based on Jayne.

“At this part of the story, I’ve pretty much had it with little miss hoity toity. Addie is not a main character I like. She is shallow in ways because she is designed with a huge chip on her shoulder. Her persona is an “in your face, accept me for my difference” yet she is judgmental of others. These are the worst hypocrites around. I don’t like her nor did I ever warm up to the snotty little snit. ” Yea, stupid woman took all of 4 thousand words to undergo a life altering sexual awakening. I love this character described as hoity toity.

Reviews that Make Me Laugh

“I liked this book because I could relate to one of the main characters, Liz… well, not in the fact that I’m looking for a Dom or anything like that, but she hit it dead on when she called “cheesy” on how some of the Doms behaved. I mean, if that were my chosen lifestyle & some guy was being all dominating the way she described some of them were, I’d crack up and walk the hell out. Anyway, that made me appreciate the story that much more because Dubois made it very realistic in that regard.”

This one makes me laugh so hard every time I read it. I hate that this person hated it this much, but I swear to god from that review sounds the way the heroines in these books talks. Cracks me up.

“The werewolves of Lila Dubois are were fashion and trendy: they party in WeHo nightclubs, dancing on pedestals, they live on the hills, in villas with private pools, and if they decided to leave the pack, they become the favourites of rag magazines and erotic artist muses. It’s a feast for the eyes to read about them, and where usually werewolves are worried about boring things like life threats and blood splattering, these werewolves instead worry more for how is the last trend for jeans and if purple makes them look too gay.”

If there were gay werewolves, these are the ones I would be friends with. Also, I don’t know any non-trendy gay people under the age of 50.

Just Plain Bad Reviews

“The plot doesn’t really exist other than the sex” <- problem? (I’m kidding)

“The heroine annoyed me, couldn’t deal.”

“Okay, it was a freebie, and it really wasn’t THAT bad for what it was; but it had such great PNR potential that was wasted on a dime-a-dozen erotica story.” Er, thank you?

“So all in all, if you love to read about sex, sex, sex and more sex, then don’t hesitate to acquire this book.” This was a two star review. I also want this on the cover of a book.

One Response to “Reviews: Bad and Good”

  1. Lol I like the 2 reviews you want on the cover. They made me laugh!

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