Those really terrible reviews we all get

Yesterday Lexxie Couper sent me an email to ask if I’d seen a review that had been left on one of the bookstore pages of Exotic Indulgence.

Rather than reword what she said, here is a copy of her email:

ROTFLMAO Did you see this review of EI?

Posted February 20, 2012
 Ugh youpeople are gaross
Sex is personl unles you are a submissive at a bonage party

Now, had I seen this review a couple of years ago, I would have instantly gotten stomach cramps and wanted to cry. Because, seriously, who likes a bad review? My philosophy was always ‘my writing is only as good as my last review.’ So if the last review was a good one, I was on top of the world, but if the last review was a bad one, well, then I was all ready to give up writing forever, no questions asked, end of story. But over the years I’ve found I’ve had to toughen up a bit. In fact, my skin is so darn thick now, you could pinch me and I wouldn’t feel it. Which is why it’s almost (yeah, almost) fun to trawl the net to find bad reviews. I’ve had my fair share.

What I thought I’d do today, is not only share some of my WORST reviews, but invite the other ladies from IH to share some of theirs. Because when you write erotic romance – very explicit erotic romance – and readers aren’t expecting it, then believe me, there are some crackers! So here you go. For your reading entertainment:


These came through after Going All In was posted as a freebie for a month:

“This story was like a train wreck. I will be more careful what I download next time.”

“Yuck. I enjoy a good romance now and again, but this is not a story, it’s a 15 minute porn episode. I wouldn’t call it a guilty pleasure either, it’s just a nasty piece of garbage.”

“Copy machine repair stories are more believable”

And how about these for Exotic Indulgence:

Tripe...This book should have been called nymphomaniac on the loose. No woman would behave as written. Poor authors must be short on love and high on erotic dreams. That’s why their book is published free. My advice give it a miss.”

“I absolutley HATED reading this…… such a waste of time! Maybe if this was based on a dream that Kylie was having that would have been different and I would have felt different about this short read….. it was completely unrealistic and honestly I felt like I had just read instead of watched a porn flick…. come on now, 3 guy’s on 1 girl, lets call it what it is…. a gang bang!”

But this one, without a doubt, is my all time favorite. It’s Mrs Giggle’s Review for Ask Adam:

“The only way I will enjoy this book is if someone hurts AJ really badly in this story, preferably by clamping his puny little balls to some electrocuting device and getting an orangutan to go crazy on the buttons on that device while showing the whole thing live over a web podcast.”

And finally, I had to share my most recent one, from Office Affair:

Omg If you guys read this you people are perves




Oh man…I hear you on the bad reviews. I’ve had some that still sting if I think about them too hard.

Retreat, one of my first books, was particularly massacred.

“What’s not boring and paint-by-numbers is patently ridiculous.”

“The biggest problem I had with this book was that it should have been a lot darker, and it should have been a lot less superficial.”

“The first half of the book wasn’t bad – if you overlook the clumsy and amatuerish writing issues such as dialogue tag abuse, stilted dialogue, and telling rather than showing – but then the story took a big nosedive. Right into a flaming lake of stupid.”

Then…when Come Monday and Rough Cut were offered up for free, I got a lot of reviews from folks who didn’t realize they were getting erotic romance novels with BDSM elements. Yikes!

“This book was free, and I paid too much.”

“This book present pointless rambling, wasted words, lack of perception and challenge, and one-dimensional dull characters with nothing interesting to say. The sex scenes are predictable and cliché and the writing is horrible.”

“This book when downhill as soon as i read about all the sex toys involved and really nasty rear end action happening.”

“There’s only one word that sums up this book. Garbage.”

25 Responses to “Those really terrible reviews we all get”

  1. reginamayross Says:

    I guess im a perv cause I’ve read all those books and loved them 🙂

  2. As a reader, it bothers me when I read reviews that it’s clear the reviewer didn’t read the description and are holding the author accountable for their own mistake. It’s one thing to say a book is poorly written or didn’t hold their attention, but another thing to say it’s a bad subject or perverted or disgusting. Can’t please all the people all the time, and I’m glad that you all have kept writing no matter the reviews!

    • Ah, Liz. I so agree. And especially with Samhain books, where we write warnings at the end of the blurbs.
      But as long as the books please some people some of the time, I’m okay with that.

  3. June M. Says:

    It may just be my opinion, but I don’t think that people who do not read & like erotic romance should review them. I swear, some people just review books to complain.

    Glad you all are not taking these reviews to heart. And I guess I must be a perv too….Cause I LOVE these types of books!

    • Woot, June joined the perv club!

      On a more serious note, I think loads of readers download freebies without reading the blurbs, and then they’re stunned by the ‘disgusting’ content.

      However, I have to grin at the readers who are utterly disgusted…yet still manage to finish the whole book.

  4. Just remember you can’t fix stupid. I personally love all of your stories and really hats seeing bad reviews from idiots.

  5. sandie2 Says:

    Mari and Jess, I love both of your books and snap them up as soon as they release. I already know they will be Hawt, Sexy, and completely Enthralling.

    The jerks complaining should have taken the time to read the blurbs and excerpts if they weren’t familiar with the author. I figure it’s their problem if they didn’t and not the author’s.


    • Sandie, I mentioned above, I think it’s a problem with books being run as freebies. Some readers don’t take the time to read the blurbs before downloading them, so the content of the book they then open is somewhat horrifying.

      (LOL, I’d love to be a fly on the wall watching as the realize what they’ve downloaded.)

  6. As an avid reader, I appreciate writers so much for their time and effort in telling stories and providing me books to enjoy. I can’t fanthom writing such harsh reviews, it just seems so unfair. If a story was not to my liking, then I would just move on to the next book.

    Mari – Retreat still remains one of my favorite book of yours & the most read *just saying*😃

    Jess – Going All In is a favorite too & beginning of a series I loved 😃

    All you authors ROCK!!!

  7. Easy for me to say that these bad reviews are funny. More criticisms about the subject than the writing so they are hard to take seriously. Doesn’t anyone read excerpts or samples first? There should be no surprises! Anyway, every time you read a bad one, you should go back & read a good one. Jess, you said you were going to keep my email to remind you. Did you? lol.

  8. kaylynd Says:

    Hello, people need to read the product description! I tend to laugh at alot of reviews. People need to spell check before posting their reviews. I also find the ones funny who think the sex was too much. HELLO It is Erotic! LOL

    • Kaylynd, I’m right with you. I’ve started laughing at loads of the reviews. I confess tho, it’s easier to laugh, say, at Mari’s bad reviews then it is to laugh at mine. (Yeah, yeah, I’m a hypocrite.)
      But every day I’m getting better at seeing the funny side of a bad/badly written review.

  9. Tabatha Scott Says:

    Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but they would be taken more seriously with constructive criticism of the work instead. I wrote a more detailed response to this on facebook, but Jess your books are awesome and Going All In was my first of your books. I bought all the rest as soon as I got done reading that, and I eagerly await every one of your releases.

    You know I think I might have said your books are awesome a time or two before though! *winks*

  10. Patricia Says:

    your books are always so good

  11. Don’t let those bad apples get to you, you know I love your work and the other gals too. I’ll say it again I Love Your Work and sending big hugs over too.

  12. […] while ago Jess Dee did a great post where she and Mari talked about their bad […]

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