Pumpkin Use and a Contest

Halloween is over, but you can still get pumpkins, so the timing is perfect for this post! I really feel that we undervalue pumpkins. After Halloween they’re basically done with. Sure, HGTV wants you to spray paint them gold and silver and use them as classy Fall decorations, but I have a better use for them.

Sex toy!

I have a DIY sex toy book, as I’m sure you all do too, and it always amazes me how many of the different toys call for a pumpkin!

Since we’re running a classy joint around here you’ll have READ MORE…

NSFW. But there is a contest. So it’s worth clicking.

Seriously. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

In case you don’t have a DIY sex toy book you can always check out our friends over at http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com,. I’m going to be referencing their photos since I’m too lazy to scan in pages from my sex toy book.

For guys there’s always been your classic “carve a hole in a pumpkin and fuck it until it’s pie,” but for women we want something subtle, damnit! Fear not my fellow femmes, you too can have a custom sex toy for the price of a $2.99 pumpkin!

If you’re over your man and his whining about having a headache and “Jesus woman, I need to sleep sometimes” pumpkins make the perfect dildo holder!

Here are the full instructions: http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/halloween/index.html

For anyone who has ever tried those stupid dildos that are supposed to suction cup to a table you know they don’t work because, hello! Tables are not man shaped!

Pumpkins however, fit nicely between ones shapely alabaster thighs.

HUH? Shit, I better cut out the historicals.

And you can do a double penetration one!

But here’s the one I’m really into. This is the kind of stuff you can only do with a pumpkin! Frottage is basically heavy petty, really junior year of highschool stuff, but I’m into it.

(Click on the pic for full instructions.)

What is it? What would it feel like? I don’t even know, but I want to try it!

I think it’s time for a contest…how to run this contest without violating some law or other. Hmm…

I was going to ask people to carve their own sex toy pumpkin and submit a picture, the winners could have their choice of 10 of my books (big prize!) but based on Farm Boy’s horrified look it’s not a good idea. Let’s do a less complicated contest.


Prize: your choice of any of Lila Dubois book in ebook format.

How to enter:

1) Comment with the name of your favorite sex toy/best homemade toy. Electric toothbrushes don’t count. Too obvious.


2) Comment with the name of a heroine–from any International Heat author’s book–most likely to make one of the above sex toys. If you haven’t read any/all IHer books browse through our websites and take a guess based on the descriptions.  Post the name of the heroine and book title. Bonus points if you say why you chose that heroine.

The contest will run until Friday!

10 Responses to “Pumpkin Use and a Contest”

  1. Lila you never cease to amaze me – LMAO

    Love the post spit coke all over my computer screen but I’m laughing!!


  2. Star from Jayne’s Through My Window. Why? Because she really enjoys sex but she might make a homemade sex toy to take to work, you know something different. 🙂

  3. You really are asking people to reveal their deepest darkest secrets now aren’t you?!

    My husband is always making jokes about putting my cellphone in my underwear for him to call me. Is that too obvious? LOL

    Great giveaway ~ I’ve included you in my Crazy Contest Sentence today!

    Miranda ~ Sweet Vernal Zephyr Reviews

  4. Okay, that has to be the number one most funniest things I’ve ever read!!!! God, that is too much. I nearly spit coffee too, but held it in. Amazing…LOL, so, let’s see….I would have to see, no homemade toys, other than my imagination, but I really like my ‘wand’ cause it can really, really (cough, cough) pass as a back or something massager!!!! Right? 😉 http://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/vibrators/wand-massagers/sp-hitachi-wand-massager-9465.aspx just in case you sneaky women want to check it out….LOL

    Great post.


    billi jean

    • That’s the one I have too. If you do need a back massager it actually works great! But let’s be real, no one who sees it thinks it’s a back massager. They think “HOLLA! Vibrator up in heeeeeeeeere!”

  5. I vote for Riley Collins, from Saturday Night Special – not that she needs it – but she is just wild and crazy enough to do it.

  6. This was hilarious. Your mind is amazing, strange lol, but amazing.

    Star-Thru My Window gets my vote.

  7. I think I would agree with Riley from Sat. Night Special. She was ready to shake things up, so the trip to Vegas.

    One of my husbands favorites is a Halls Menthol cough drop, he sucks on it while he…well….then it gets pretty warm down there and then he blows and well…..
    HHMM well you all get the gist.

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