Naughty Ad-Lib Conest. Who’s playing?

Did you like my singing?  No?  I’m not surprised, I stink.  🙂

So.. to make up for it, I’ll give away prizes.  Everyone likes prizes, right?  Okay, here’s the deal.  Vistaprint had this thing.  Well, they always have a sale thing but this was a snafu thing.  As in their site was messed up one day so they sent an email with free shipping if you had more than $1 in your cart.  I was on a mission.  I experimented and found that if I did some creative ordering of free items and modified one by adding a custom picture or ordering a bigger sized t-shirt I ended up with lots of stuff for $2.  Woohoo

And then I did it again.

51 times.

What?  I like bargains, okay?!  And since I now have a beautiful, organized promo shelf with all of my standard stuff including lots of candy (see yesterday’s post) I figured, what the hell, have to have pretties to put on it!  Exhibit A – examples of new promo goodies!


Tote Bags (this one and ones with cover art):

T-shirts (lots of different covers & sizes):

I won’t bore you with all the pics but there were pens, mugs, keychains, mousepads, bumper stickers and lots of oversized cover flats as well.  Here’s what I’m going to do…

I have five new releases, one a month, between September 2010 and January 2011.  I’ll feature one each day this week in addition to my random ramblings.  You can earn an entry to a drawing for a prize featuring that book (or whatever else you’d prefer from my stash) by leaving a comment on the blog, mad-lib style.  Whoever cracks me up the most for each book wins.  I’ll leave all contests open until next Saturday 10/30/10.  Ready….

We’ll start with September’s release, Through My Window.  I have to say I freaking love this book.  It’s gotten amazing reviews too!  Loving Venus, Loving Mars said, “This author’s writing is superlative and convincing with exquisite, well-timed pacing.” and “The story’s overall tone is so erotic, the actual sex in the book flows seamlessly through the plot without competing with narrative, something all great erotica does. The erotic scenes themselves are well-written and unique, varied to suit the moods and preferences of Star’s different customers. Through My Window is a definite keeper.”  MWAH!

In addition to not sucking, it’s also costs only $1.49 here or $2.38 at Amazon and the heroine is a hooker!  How can you say no? 🙂

Oh, and because so many have asked… Yes, my husband and I went to Amsterdam last year.  No, we did not hire a hooker.  Thanks!


Through my window, a sea of strangers swirl and retreat like waves in an ocean of humanity. I brush my hair, fix my makeup and flip on the glaring red light in my booth before turning to face my audience on the other side of the glass.

For Star, this is just another night on the job, though no two are ever alike. She loves her career and excels at bringing her customers pleasure, relief or intimacy. Adaptable and perceptive, she becomes many things in the course of one evening–whore, lover, nurse, psychologist and friend. But above all, she’s still a woman. And her customers change her with every encounter. Through her window, she observes the world and enhances it when it spills into her realm.

CONTEST:   Today’s contest is to fill in the blank. “If hookers had award shows once a year, the funniest award they could give would be ________.”  Do your worst!  See you tomorrow 🙂


21 Responses to “Naughty Ad-Lib Conest. Who’s playing?”

  1. dreabecraft Says:

    Do Your Tits Hang Low Award! What some hookers are not that good looking! o_O yeah I said it.

  2. Courtney S Says:

    Most Trips To The Free Clinic

  3. Mary Preston Says:

    “If hookers had award shows once a year, the funniest award they could give would be ________.”

    Best Fake Hooker Name. This years nominees: Chastity, Charity & Prudence.

  4. jennifer mathis Says:

    faked it the most


  5. Daphne Vaughan Says:

    most premature ejactulations! 😉

  6. The oddest hair colors (I have seen leopard dyes and electric blue and hot pink and rainbow)

  7. The Pretty Woman lifetime achievement award – to the hooker who actually manages to win the love of a fantastically wealthy client and retire in luxury. The size of the statuette is directly proportional to the net worth of the client.

  8. Today’s contest is to fill in the blank. “If hookers had award shows once a year, the funniest award they could give would be ________.”

    And the award for the Best Blow Job ever in less han 5 minutes goes to……….envelope pleaseeee……….Snow White……..I guess she got lots of practice with the help of the seven dwrafs

  9. ROFLMAO Zina that is funny. I love it.

  10. The highest heels award…!!!!

    in Germany

  11. jaynerylon Says:

    OMG! So many hysterical awards already. You ladies are really good at this 🙂 I’m laughing my ass off reading your suggestions. Keep ’em coming. (Hey, that could be an award, too!)

  12. The Golden Phallus award

  13. Nancy Gilliland Says:

    If hookers had award shows once a year, the funniest award they could give would be ________.”

    The most convincing “faking it” award.

  14. Ok, how about Best Performance in a short (as in penis size) trick.


  15. Wow, everyone! Great suggestions! Jayne, just wanted to say hi, and wowza–look at you! That is one awesome collection of promo you created! Wooot!

  16. the You Get What You Pay For award?
    the Don’t Touch the Merchandise award?
    the No Refunds, No Exchanges award? (Or would that be Best Customer Service? :))

  17. the Jayne. “This annual award is given to the person we have to say “so you did WHAT….and ok, this one goes here & that goes there and she fits that there and HUH….that can’t fit…….wait, it does….I think….” This award is based on our own Jayne Rylon; for writing Kate’s Crew – the amazing story where you need a flow chart to figure out how all the bodies fit together 🙂

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