Laughter is the best medicine

I’m behind the eight ball on this post…obviously. I’m very late posting it. The end of my school year has heated up to the extreme and I feel like I’m treading water right now simply to keep my head above the surface. Prom and graduation are looming in my near future and a colleague very kindly pointed out to me there are only 7 Mondays left in this school year. Sounded great until I realized how much I had to do before that last Monday! 

To that end, I thought I’d just share some funny ‘teacherisms’ I’ve been collecting over the years. All of these stories happened to friends of mine–I didn’t make up any of them. I’m just not that clever…or twisted.

So, for a laugh…

English teacher stands before a class of ninth graders.  She is about to begin her lesson when she notices several of the students are chewing gum–something that is against the classroom rules. 

“Alright, folks,” she says, “I see you chewing gum.  It’s decision time.  Do you spit or do you swallow?”

* * *

Agriculture teacher and his students are comparing recipes for making jerky.  As they discover each of them has a unique technique, they discuss the possibility of holding a jerky competition.

Teacher (excited about the idea) says, “This would be great.  Sort of like a chili cook-off.  What should we call it?”

Boy in back of the room says, “How about a jerk-off?”

Teacher (attempting to regain control of the class) says, “Now, none of that.  We have to look at this from a marketing standpoint.  If you called it that, who would come?”

Boy in the back of the room replies, “Probably everybody.”

 * * *

Student stands to present his book report in English class.  Clearing his throat, he begins, “I read a book called the Three Muskateers and it was written by Alexander Dumbass (Dumas).”

 * * *

Senior English teacher stands before an advanced placement group of seniors.  Frustrated by their lack of response to her questions, she exasperatedly says, “Come on, you guys, show me your APness!”

* * *

Greenhouse instructor stands before a group of floral design students during the first week of class going over all the tools they will find in the toolboxes provided by the school system. Once he’s explained what each garden utensil does, he tells them the one tool they don’t have is a stem stripper because, he says “There are no cheap strippers.”

9 Responses to “Laughter is the best medicine”

  1. LMAO these are to funny Mari!!!! Spit or Swallow I bet that teacher couldn’t look her class in the face for days 😉

  2. Maria63303 Says:

    Very funny….lol….so glad that I am nto teaching in school these days…who knows what I would inadvertently say…..

  3. OMG- I’m crying.

    And the spit or swallow was good , but the jerk off wins.

  4. My

  5. Can’t. Stop. Laughing!!! OMG!!!! The jerky one had me in tears.

  6. ROFLMAO! oh Mari those are great…I luv the jerk-off story…hahahahha But you didnt tell us your most embarrassing and funny moment….*grin* Let’s here it girl!

    Thanks for the laughs,

  7. Jerk-off was my fave!

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