Hear me roar!

I am woman, hear me roar!!!

I’ve been sitting here for hours wondering what to write about. I didn’t want to talk about the thing that’s totally taken over my life right now because I didn’t want to depress anyone else. One of us in the black pit is enough. Then again, misery loves company. LOL So I’m sitting here struggling to think of something and nothing comes to mind but what I’m going through. And then it struck me. I’m in the perfect position to shout out to everyone that comes by how important it is we take charge of our lives in EVERY way.

We’ve (us women) taken charge of lots in the last century. No really, I’m not a history buff so can’t sprout off great achievements of women all over the world but we’re no longer the second class citizens we once were. We can pretty much do whatever we want. BE whatever we want. AND we’ve taken charge of our sexuality and all that being a woman entails with both hands. No more accepting second best. But there’s something that a good number of us neglect. We seem to put off one of the most important checks in a woman’s life because it’s uncomfortable or we just don’t have the time right now. I’m about to say a dirty word, brace yourselves.

PAP SMEAR

I feel you all shuddering from here. Why is it that a simple 5 minute exam can strike such fear and loathing in us? We are women! Hear us roar! And yet we put this off time and again. I mean really, what are the odds that somethings wrong? Can’t be too high and surely you’d know if something was wrong. Right? WRONG! You don’t have a clue. And something that seems to be minor can turn major in a matter of months. I’ll admit to putting off the dreaded pap smear for just over two years. I was due to go when we moved to Singapore and with the move and finding a new doctor it was suddenly two years later. So I had the test. The results came back abnormal so they sent me off to a gyno where I had another pap smear 3 months later. Again abnormal. But these changes can be caused by lots of things, not all bad, so we waited and did another smear. So far we’re about 8 months into the ordeal and I’m confident, and so is the doctor, that everything is fine. But it’s not. This time I’m off for a biopsy and the results of that, while not a real worry don’t push us to do anything but wait again. The cell changes are minor and given the time frame so far, likely to change back so we wait. At this point I have to say it’s easy to forget about. I totally know why this is one of those things us women neglect. I got on with my life, had my wonderful trip to the US and didn’t give it another thought. Until I came home. Then it was another smear, more bad cells and the big decision of what to do. Each of my bad smears came back with what they refer to as Atypical changes except the last one. The last one showed CIN1. The first stages of cancer. Decision made.

Yesterday I had a procedure that involves burning away the bad cells and the tissue surrounding them. Basically the top 5mm of my cervix. I won’t go into details but it hurt like a bitch and the cramping after is enough to drive you to the floor. The good part? I’m not sure I’ve reached it yet. This isn’t the end. There’s risk of infection, there’s the risk that they haven’t taken enough and that it’ll all happen again in the future. I have to go back in a few days for a check up and there will be regular checks after that. I’m going to be going for those checks with bells on. I’ve already got them booked and in my diary. While regular checks don’t stop this from happening they catch it before it’s too late to do anything about. For me I went from a few Atypical cells to CIN1 in a matter of months which is scary but I’d had that first check up that told us something was wrong so I saved myself from finding out too far down the road.

The emotional roller coaster ride of the last few weeks has been one I don’t wish on anyone. The idea that your own body, a part of you that’s given birth to new life, could turn on you and threaten everything you are is one I’m not sure I’ve managed to come to grips with yet. But what I do know is that I’m not finished. I’m not ready to lay down and say okay fine, have at it. I’m fighting for what I want. I want to grow old and annoy my Hubby. I want to watch my kids grow into adults, fall in love and start their own families. I want to write the stories of the people that live in my head. I want to spend time with family and friends and sit in a rocking chair on my front porch as my great grandkids play in the yard. And I’ll do that because I’m not going to forget that I’m incharge of my life and my body and I’m going to do everything I can to make sure they both last a very long time.

I am woman! Hear me roar!

PAP SMEAR – IT’S A LIFE SAVER!

RC